Gradually

*Beyoncé's "Die With You" video plays in the background in repeat via Tidal*

If I could go back in time and tell my younger self what to expect in the coming years, I would tell myself that things will get rough but not to give up hope. Nothing hurts more than seeing the days pass by and the passion disappear from your own eyes. Nothing is more depressing than to wake up feeling a bit hopeless, lost and confused. No matter how amazing of a life you are blessed to have, happiness comes in ways that differ from what everyone perceives it as.

I did not exactly live a normal childhood - nor can I remember the majority of it because it was nothing more than a struggle for me to get through. The root of my personality is a result of how I overcame what I had to witness and experience as a child and bringing in those insecurities and a lack of self-confidence makes it incredibly difficult to survive the harsh reality of being an adult in this world.

Every part of me has been cultivated by the things I had to teach myself by falling, failing and hurting myself along the way. Knowledge that I have obtained have been self-guided to figuring out problems has led to me wanting to constantly teach myself things that I am unaware about. This made me see life in a number of perspectives and has taught me to be selfless in how I interact with others.

I became someone who people were able to come to when they needed help. I became a provider of positivity and happiness. And while it was unbeknownst to them of my own instability, I made sure that by the end of the conversation between myself and that individual, that they would find the strength within them to continue onwards through the daily battles that they face.

Somewhere, inside the big 'ol heart of mine, I kept telling myself that doing good for others will bring great rewards. Not that I have expected it to come at all and nor have I given up that mentality at this moment in time, but it helped me a lot to get through lessening the burdens of close friends and colleagues.

Here, at the age of 23 (24 in the coming months), I have grown weak in my own pool of sunshine and positivity. We were raised to think that at the age of 18, we would either be recruited from a prestigious company to work for them or to obtain a degree in whatever we found to be our area of interest. At the age of 21, we were expected to move out and fulfill the duties of an adult - to work hard and achieve financial stability on our own and do things that all adults do. By the age of 30-34, we are expected to be married and to have settled down with a forever home and a possibly adding another human being into the mix.

But the reality of it is, time differs for everyone. Some people find success at 30, settle at 40, and do not ever plan on having kids. Others take a risk and leave at 16 to find success after hard laborious work days at 25. The time for success differs for everyone given the circumstances that they live in, but motivation will always be the factor towards how quickly we can obtain it.

I will not hold back and say that I am happy where I am at in life. I, too, expected my life to start at 21 and for me to be doing things that I wish I had continued to do. While I have many goals and dreams in mind, none of it are a for-sure thing for me. I am as lost as most are, but you just need to find a purpose and let that one purpose drive you to keep going at what you are doing.

*Beyoncé starts singing the chorus*

‘Cause darling I wake up just to sleep with you. I open my eyes so I can see with you. And I live so I can die with you.

...What is my purpose you ask? Let us just say it is something that brings me the greatest joy on the planet that I will blog about in the coming days.

Life is not always guaranteed. You could live today, but not see the light of tomorrow. If you had the opportunity to just go out there and do something of your dreams - do it. Do not let anyone stop you from doing it. The moment you let all of your fears go, that is when you will start living life. To many, this is easier said/thought of than done, but it is possible. So do what you have to do to keep going. Your moment may not be now, but your time will come. You are not alone in your battles. Find your purpose and keep grinding it out. You have got this.